Mama Collier

Dear Sprout – Chapter Four

March 20, 2013 Posted By Chantelle Leave a Comment

THIS POST WAS WRITTEN ON WEDNESDAY, 29TH AUGUST, AFTER WE FOUND OUT WE WERE PREGNANT WITH BABY NUMBER TWO. I MADE A PRIVATE BLOGGER ACCOUNT TO DOCUMENT MY FEELINGS IN THOSE EARLY WEEKS AS NO-ONE (BARRING OUR TWO CLOSEST FRIENDS) KNEW THAT WE WERE EXPECTING, AND I NEEDED AN OUTLET FOR MY EMOTIONS. YOU CAN FIND PART ONE OF THIS MINI-SERIES HERE, PART TWO HERE AND PART THREE HERE.

All is well!!!

I am measuring exactly the same as my LMP would suggest – 8 weeks 2 days. The EPAU either got things a little wrong (which is not uncommon considering it was so very early, a couple of mm here or there and you’re already out a week) or our Sprout has had a major growth spurt.

Either way — HURRAH!! It was so lovely to see Sprout’s little heartbeat fluttering away again (and hear it through the ultrasound pattering away at 156bpm!), and I feel a million times better about this pregnancy now. I am finally excited. Finally accepting the fact that we are going to be a family of four!! Eek!!

I was given three pictures of the scan. There isn’t a whole lot to see right now, but it was lovely to know that all is growing as it should and everything is where it should be.

The quality isn’t fantastic either… I took a picture with my iPhone in bad lighting. But I’m too excited to get all of this recorded, so right now I really couldn’t care any less! The important thing is – all is well.

I’m finally looking forward to sharing the news with our parents and Simon. I’ve reconsidered the idea of inviting everyone out for my Dads birthday this weekend… With everything going on I’d forgotten that mine and Shauns anniversary is coming up in a couple of weeks (d’oh)! That is a much more legitimate reason to get everyone together in one place, so I think we’ll probably go out for a meal and break the news there. I have one idea of how to do it but will hold off writing about it in case I get any further inspiration.

In fact, I think I’ll go searching for ideas now!

WE’RE HAVING A BABY!!!! YEAH!!!

Still Plodding Along

March 18, 2013 Posted By Chantelle Leave a Comment

There has been so much I’ve wanted to write about during this pregnancy, especially over the last couple of months… My frustrations around trying to convince my doctor to let me try for a VBAC, the problems my gestational diabetes has caused, how time has just gotten away from me and we’ve not managed to get half the things done that we wanted to, our decision to switch to cloth diapers this time around (I know I’m British but I hate the word ‘nappy’ with a passion!), what we’ve done so far (and still plan to do) in the new nursery, how we’ve spent time re-decorating Joshua’s room into a “big boy room” and transitioned him from a crib to a toddler bed, how he seems to be coming along really well in his understanding of what is going on, the cooking day I had today to make freezer meals for when the baby comes, my fears over getting a good supply of breastmilk going this time around after having a rough start with Joshua, my recent discovery that I’ve put on an insane amount of weight this time around and how I want to get back to pursuing a healthy lifestyle when baby boy arrives… The list goes on and on.

But over the last few weeks in particular I’ve found myself being steadily more and more exhausted, regardless of whether or not I get enough sleep. I’m ashamed to say that I spend most days lounging on the sofa glued to the TV, which I know isn’t good for either Joshua or myself. I have the odd day where I’ll get an inexplicable burst of energy and spend the day cleaning or cooking or maybe just summon up enough brain power to read a book as opposed to being in a stupor watching children’s television… But more often than not I’m just running on empty and taking long naps every afternoon with Joshua.

I guess for now suffice to say I am still here, everything is going as well as can be expected, and I hope to have a few more thoughts written down before D-Day (which is creeping up on us much too quickly for my liking!).

Dear Sprout – Chapter Three

March 13, 2013 Posted By Chantelle Leave a Comment

THIS POST WAS WRITTEN ON WEDNESDAY, 29TH AUGUST, AFTER WE FOUND OUT WE WERE PREGNANT WITH BABY NUMBER TWO. I MADE A PRIVATE BLOGGER ACCOUNT TO DOCUMENT MY FEELINGS IN THOSE EARLY WEEKS AS NO-ONE (BARRING OUR TWO CLOSEST FRIENDS) KNEW THAT WE WERE EXPECTING, AND I NEEDED AN OUTLET FOR MY EMOTIONS. YOU CAN FIND PART ONE OF THIS MINI-SERIES HERE AND PART TWO HERE.

I called the EPAU last Monday, after a pretty restless weekend. The nurse that saw me the Thursday before was on duty, and basically repeated the same things she had already told me. It didn’t do a whole lot to calm my nerves, and she refused another scan on the grounds that as far as they know, everything is OK.

So I called the private clinic. I have an appointment at 9am, less than an hour from now (it’s now 8:10). My parents should be here soon to watch Joshua… I told them I was going for a cervical smear and the GP’s office said because of the bank holiday and the nurse needing to play catch up on a few things there might be a long wait – up to an hour long. I feel bad lying about it, but I just don’t want them to know yet.

Either way, we’ll be telling parents by the end of this week. It’s my Dad’s birthday on Monday and we’re going out on either Saturday or Sunday evening for a meal. If it’s good news today, I’m going to try and convince them to invite Shaun’s parents and brother too, so we can tell them together.

If it’s bad news, I’ll be telling them today, I suppose.

I thought that the last 10 days would drag something rotten until this appointment, but it’s come around surprisingly quickly. I haven’t felt nervous at all. Until this morning. I’m a wreck now. And I hate that I have to go on my own, but I am SO praying that it’s good news so I don’t have to be alone if I’m told something different.

I’ve still been feeling pretty run down and tired. I’ve had sickness on and off. My breasts have been a little sore. I’ve been getting round ligament pains… Because of these things I’ve been getting more and more quietly confident as time has gone on. But there is still the last scan there in the back of my mind, tearing my hopes down every time I dare to think that this pregnancy might actually lead to another baby. The dates just don’t add up.

If we go from my LMP, today I should be 8 weeks 2 days. If we go from my last scan, I should be 6 weeks 6 days. Anywhere in between those two with a heartbeat is positive, I guess.

I’m praying that God has somehow worked a miracle, as only He can, and that everything really IS alright. That my “mothers intuition” is just me being overly cautious to protect myself after our previous let downs, and not a sign of something more sinister.

It’s now quarter past eight. My parents will be here very soon, and I’ll be leaving the house in fifteen minutes. I am shaking, my palms are sweaty and my stomach is in knots. I need to try and calm down.

Wish me luck, I’ll update again when I get home.

Please, PLEASE be OK, little one!!!!

Eggshells

March 11, 2013 Posted By Chantelle 2 Comments

I’m feeling completely wound up and on edge today.

I’m sure it doesn’t help that I’m only averaging around 4-5 hours sleep every night right now. After having a kid that has been an extremely good sleeper (we’re talking anywhere between 8-11 hours a night) from around six months of age, a girl gets used to her beauty sleep! Now, because of my worsening PGP, a bladder that seems to be around the same size as a golf ball and the fact that my mind just won’t quit the minute I lie down, those nights are long gone.

Not that I’d necessarily be any better if my sleep situation improved – I think these crazy mood swings are just part and parcel of pregnancy. I seem to have been blessedly spared of any real humdingers this time around – with Joshua it was a constant crazy rollercoaster of emotions (just ask my poor, longsuffering husband!) but for baby number two there has only been the odd one or two outbursts. Until now.

This morning I woke up in a bad mood. Shaun came into the bedroom smiling to wake me after getting himself almost completely ready for work and getting Joshua up and dressed (which meant I could sleep in for an extra half hour). I opened my eyes, grunted “five more minutes” and went back to sleep. When he came back in, I woke up and immediately wanted to be sick. I felt like I was 10 weeks pregnant again with a stomach bug to boot, I was that nauseous. Yuck. I lay there for a couple minutes hoping it would pass. After I realised it wouldn’t, and feeling even worse, I slowly (and painfully) dragged my body into a sitting position with my legs over the edge of the bed, then slowly lowered myself onto the floor. With every slow, shuffling step to the bathroom I felt the storm clouds gather over my head.

Shaun told me he would work from home today. I told him no – he had to be at the office. The only other guy in his department is off on leave until Wednesday, and he had to stay home tomorrow anyway because of my hospital appointments (to look after Joshua – I hate dragging him along when I could be there for a couple hours or more, plus it’s difficult for me to get him in and out of his car seat with my PGP). So I didn’t want to make things any more difficult for him or add any extra pressure.

But honestly, I wanted him here. I felt really sick. He could tell. So he insisted.

Then he went downstairs to get things set up so he could work from the dining room, and to get Joshua sorted with breakfast. While he was gone I was clicking around on Pinterest on the iPad. The sun started shining through the window and I couldn’t see the screen properly. I couldn’t move into another position or get up to close the blinds because my pelvis hurt too much. I suddenly felt very guilty about Shaun staying home… I started crying. I flopped down into the cushions and then began to laugh, because baby boy had decided that particular moment was ideal for a quick kickboxing session. I guess he realised I needed a reminder of why all this was happening, and why my head was so topsy turvy!

A few minutes later I got dressed, headed downstairs and within seconds was snapping at my husband over absolutely nothing. Telling him to “let me have my emotions” and “don’t tell me how to feel” and the like. It was because I felt guilty about him working from home, but of course my silly brain didn’t take a minute to think to talk about that. So I snapped instead.

A little while after that I was laughing at Joshua – he was wearing a smile so big it was threatening to take over his whole face. Almost immediately my laughter turned to tears as I realised that because I wasn’t feeling very well, this would likely be another day of TV/DVD’s and books for him, with very little reasonable input from Mummy.

Then I got angry because I had plans for today – I finally had the car after Shaun using it for work for weeks and was going to take an hour or so to run some errands. Get out of the house. Get Joshua out of the house. Didn’t look as though that would be happening.

Then I just started feeling incredibly deflated.

It’s been a lot of the same kind of cycle over the last few hours.

Maybe it’s because I’m nearing the end. I’m 36 weeks today and feeling it… I’m uncomfortable, puffy, often off balance, rarely able to move around as I please (waddling like you wouldn’t believe when I can) and dealing with near-constant heartburn. My skin has been terrible for the last three months and seems to have no intention of returning to normal (pregnant glow, anyone? Hello?), and I’m at that stage where even my maternity clothes don’t fit well any more. I love pregnancy. Honestly and truly, I love it. My body, unfortunately, seems to be of a completely different opinion.

Suffice to say, I’m ready to meet this baby.

Except – I’m not. We still have things to do… Clothes need to be washed, we need to buy some tiny disposable nappies in case he can’t fit straight into his cloth ones (which also need to be pre-washed), I wanted to make a load of freezer meals for while I’m in hospital and for the couple of weeks afterwards, we have piles and piles of laundry to get through… We need to book the car in for a service as it’s making a funny whistling noise at higher speeds. We need to put the piles of boxes that have been sitting on the landing for the last few weeks into the loft. The shower curtain needs washing. We need to change our bed sheets. The oven needs cleaning.

And so on, and so on…

It really is just one of those days.